For the person who seemingly has everything. For that special someone. Or maybe as a treat for yourself. We’ve combed the wow bob archives for seasonal surprises that deliver the perfect message of holiday cheer. Follow along and order soon. Operators are standing by.
Official WOW BOB engraved pencils.
These authentic, machine-crafted wonders come from the original – and only – batch of mail-ordered WOW BOB pencils in existence dating back more than 20 years. Impress friends and elevate your Sudoku game with this functional novelty. Reach for the perfect number two when its time for a number two. Limit 3 per household.
Firework-Torched Toy Remnants: Multi-pack!
Capture the spirit of your favorite summer holiday this winter! These 1980’s Fourth-of-J relics were carefully scorched by my brother and yours truly using only the finest illegally-purchased Illinois fireworks including fire crackers, jumping jacks and other spark-producing varieties. This unique multi-pack features the remains of a rubber Yoda hand puppet with a petrified flower of unknown origins protruding from its gut.
You’ll also receive several blackened, mangled toy cars, a burnt retro Pepsi can and an official toasted Hulk Hogan thumb wrestler doll.
Your torched remnants come in a special collectors tin printed with the hilarious phrase “You Could Help Yourself To My Snacks…But Then I’d Have to Hurt You.” Ha!
This unbelievable collection is yours exclusively through Fort Bachmann. Act now.
Miami Vice Button Series.
Were you a Crockett fan or a Tubbs man? Have them both with our Miami Vice button series. These TV show-inspired pins attach easily to your favorite suit jacket or other formal wear to make the statement you’ve been yearning to make: I am a Miami Vice fan and you need to know it! Quantities limited. We apologize, but all Edward James Olmos buttons are sold out.
Customers Who Bought Miami Vice Button Series Also Bought
Leave it to Beaver Button Series.
Hey Wally, why’s the Beaver got a black eye? Well gosh Eddie, I suppose it’s on account of him being a dumb ass.
White Trash Starter Kit.
We’ve assembled the essentials here for that special redneck on your list. Our White Trash Starter Kit includes a (gently used) Busch Light T-shirt, a 3-pack of (gently used) wife-beater T’s and an official Eckert-Bachmann Bachelor Party beer can koozie.
But wait! Act now and we’ll include this stylish (gently used) White Trash ballcap featuring an icon of a trailer. Just pay separate processing and handling.
Your Starter Kit items will be thrown into a used plastic Wal-Mart bag and twist-tied closed. Guaranteed to bring about a (toothless) smile!
High School Presidential Physical Fitness Award
Remember when you weren’t a fat, lazy pig? When life seemed full of potential and possibilities? Recapture that feeling and boast to your co-workers about what a super athlete you used to be in high school – backed by this authentic Presidential Physical Fitness patch and accompanying letter direct from the White House and Bush, Sr. You may have been a fat pig even in high school, but re-shape your past by tacking up these honorable items in your cubicle. Wow!
**
Have a safe and happy holiday season. And watch the booze. Nobody likes a Christmas party drunk.
–Your friends at Fort Bachmann
**